“I’m bad at making new friends”
Adult friendships are tough because we aren't in proximity with another like we were in college or grade school where we see people daily or weekly.
So it does take more effort, and thus need to adjust your expectations on how to develop new relationships.
“I’m bad at making new friends”
No you’re not. Unless you’re a mean a**hole (that’s not funny).
But you can adjust your expectations what relationships can look like.
I like to group friends into A, B, or C friendships.
Nothing is wrong with any of these groupings, but it helps me adjust my expectations to avoid disappointment and also build new friendships. Things to consider when reading these…
How much effort am I putting into this friendship?
Is the other person putting in the same effort?
Are we both on the same page?
Level - a friend
These are your ride or dies. Usually your smallest amount of people in this group. You may have only 2-5 “A Friends”, and that’s okay! These are those friends who are there for you at the drop of a dime, you can call anytime, and if you need a kidney, they would be calling the doctors to see if they’re a match, and vice versa.
“A Friends” are rare and must be cherished. Distance or quality time doesn’t matter with my “A Friends”.
Not everyone you meet needs to be an “A Friend”. That would be exhausting to have this deep of a connection with everyone you know.
You see these friends on a consistent basis, either virtually or in person — but that frequency is up to you and your friendship.
These humans have been with you in the ups, downs, and y’all have history. Time isn’t a hard factor, but for me, all of my “A Friends” I’ve known for years and they’ve consistently been “A Friends” for 3+ years.
I personally have 5 “A Friends” right now, and they give me life.
Hot take: I do not consider my husband an “A Friend”. These are pure platonic friendships.
LEvel - B FRIEND
This is the largest group of friends and the most common. These are the people you could crash on their couch, you hang out with them for fun, and know about each other’s personal life — their parent’s names, siblings, work drama, etc.
You have things in common, like to spend your free time doing the same activities, and you both bring value to another’s lives.
They may have potential to be an “A Friend” but y’all don’t have the history together yet. These may be friends that used to be “A Friends” but since life happens they may have fallen to “B Friend” status. Which is okay! Just as life changes, so do friendships.
You may only see these friends a few times a year, but you can catch up like no time has past.
You can trust and count on another for favors without expecting anything in return.
Level - C FRIEND
This is where most relationships begin. I would call them acquaintances or colleagues.
These are people you’re polite to, but it’s very environmental and circumstantial. You don’t go out of your way to meet up with them outside of environment you met them at.
These could be professional relationships — which isn’t a bad thing as long as both of you are benefiting and respectful.
You’re friendly and respectful to them at the board meeting, you don’t have a lot in common and not drawn to something deeper.
For example, I’m on a board with 50+ year old men. I respect them, but there’s not much we have in common outside of this volunteer board. I don’t want to go shopping with them, likewise they don’t want to go shopping with me either!
You know surface level details about them: job, partner, hobbies, but you’ve never sat down and had a heart-to-heart with them.
You can count on them professionally to provide advice, you trust another, and follow another on social media.
This is the foundation to level up to a “B Friend”.
Best part is… your friendships can change levels.
One year they maybe a B, then the next year they drop to a C.
Life happens, you trauma bond, and they level up to an A.
Disclaimer: I wouldn't tell people to their face what level they are as that can hurt people’s feelings. (Unless they are an A friend, and you are an A friend to them.) This is more for internal awareness to adjust your expectations to avoid disappointment, and also build new friendships.
I hope this helps you find friends!
-Bo, Founder of FIND
Looking to make fun adult friends? Come to a Find Fun event or check out these friend groups in Indianapolis.
